Aside

Everything but The Baby

Today has been my roughest day so far. Laid around most of the morning, only to get called into work early. Thought I had it, tryna be SUPERWOMAN, boy was I wrong. Ended up leaving work early. Went to the grocery store and picked up and few things that I hoped to keep down. After regurgitating my insides twice at work, I felt weak, laid in the bottom of my shower the entire time. Yes my shower, not bath lol. Got out all squeaky clean, only to be heaving over the porcelain bowl. Tuna sandwich, cucumbers, Cheerios, nothing helped. Today I swear I threw up everything but the baby. Who has some morning sickness remedies? I heard something about lollipops at Babies R Us. 

Status

“Oh Shit”

All week I’ve been feeling like shit.  Today I finally mustered up the guts to pee on a baby stick. The fibers turn pink. (One of ClearBlue’s new features). I start to put the cap on and then blurted out “Oh Shit”.

Not because of the results but because the test was done in like 30 seconds. I just knew I would have time to cap it, shower, and check my results as I dry off. But the positive, plus sign popped right on up. Guess we didn’t knock on wood hard enough when anyone even implied that a baby was on the way. But now that we have our own little heir in the making we couldn’t be happier. It shows in our conversation, hugs and daily jokes. Babe even said ” Look at us being in love for real, all it took was a baby”. Smh. I definitely can’t wait for this journey, but think Ima hold off on the public service announcements for now.

Signing off,

Empress Mommy Cash

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Auto-Pilot: OFF

Today I had a very successful, long awaited therapy session. One of the best moves I’ve made in this mental battle is finding and sticking with someone who truly has allowed me
open up and be myself. And yes, I know that’s what they are supposed to do. But, this isn’t a “one size fits all situation“. It takes trust, compassion, and chemistry for a therapy session to work The passing of my grandmother was a trigger to a full clip of emotions. Even with acceptance and understanding what’s best for her well-being, it’s hard.

But after today’s session, I’m open to a new array of possibilities in life. I’ve been on this journey adjusting my course according to the navigating abilities of others and it’s time I turn off the auto-pilot. Been going through life thinking I’m alone, with no one in my corner and every time I realized it was true, it hurt even more. So maybe I am alone. It’s time to accept it and act accordingly. I’m tired of allowing the actions of others to impact how I going about my own shit. For that reason, I hate everyone.  My task is to evaluate different aspects of my life according to their value and how satisfied I am with it. The first steps to making sure I make the right moves. Finding out what is most valuable, to me. It’s selfish…and that’s okay.