Status

Captive.

I’m beginning to ask myself Why? A lot. Why was I abused? Why didn’t I tell?

Why did I have the strength to prevail?  Yet, I’m too weak to exit my cell. Captive.

How did I have the strength to maintain silence but not to stop the pain?Forgiving those that have forsaken me, yet I live in vain.

Be grateful that I’m still here yet you want me to endure the constant tears.

 I don’t know why it still hurts, it just does. It just does.

So now I find myself on this journey of finding out who I was.

Before the short days and dark nights.

Before the wishes on street lights.

Before my successes felt like a pile of failures leading to nowhere.

Cause I’m still here. Some days I regret that I’m still here.

But I’m trying.

To find what I truly want and what I believe LIFE can provide for me.

What I want to exist in MY eternity. I’m trying…to find MY HAPPY and 

To break free from captivity. 

My “depression” or whatever the fxck you wanna call it has really been getting to me lately. I think it’s because I’m at the point where I would rather it be over. I’m getting tired of the emotional ups and downs and the way it’s affecting my day to day.  Trying to explain to others how it “feels” isn’t really working anymore. So what do I do? Make an attempt to understand it a little more. 

I’m starting to believe I’m manic-depressive. Just because the ease of how the moods come and go is ridiculous. A single thought can send me into a downward spiral that I am unable to pull myself out of. 

No keys to the cuffs for if my demons will not let me go, I must break free from captivity.

[Author: Veronica M.]

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