I sometimes trap myself within my mind being the worst self critic that I could possibly be. I turn 25 in a little over two months and I feel like I am so behind. I see my peers getting married, starting families, moving to new cities and I start wondering if I doing what I’m supposed to be. But I wouldn’t know. I’ve always done what I should.
Graduate from college with a REAL degree.Go to grad school. Road to a PhD. Get my first apartment. Get a career. Buy my first car. Had the abortion because I was 23 doing the RIGHT thing and it would’ve messed up everything. Yet. We praise those who have them once their eighteen. I’m learning that certain treasures in life aren’t treasures at all because I’m living the life that was given to me. Not the one I found searching. I am ready to find myself. I am ready to toss my road map out the window; because I no longer have a destination. I can just go.
No I’m not going to quit my job and move to Detroit or Miami. But I could. And there’s nothing anyone could say about it. Because I don’t have kids. I’m not married. Nothing is keeping me here. Plus, the one’s who claim they’ll miss me. Stop fxcking with me when I found someone who genuinely would.
From ex-boys to best friends even some of the family. Couldn’t handle it when I found someone to truly care for me. I don’t know if it’s our story or the fact that we discussed the meaning of love. But the shxt we’ve been through was real. And for us that was enough. It’s all about timing. Not where we met. It’s how we meet. Our opposing ends always connect. Magnetic heat.
Well I’ve been playing by the rules long enough to know. I’m ready to win the game. I wanna flourish into an amazing Goddess so that no man, no weapon, no outside force of Nature other than Kharma herself can touch me. I want to bloom. I don’t know exactly who I want to be, but this is about to be one hell of a trial-and-error analysis.
I’m afraid of how long it will take. I just pray I get there before I give up.
[Author: Veronica M.]